As they left the six keys to the apartment on the table and the end credits started rolling, I felt numb. The season finale just left me blank! A feeling so unexpected and unknown. I didn't know it would make me feel this way. It made me feel very happy to see the ones who were meant to be together finally ended up together after 8 long years, but I also felt the emptiness of that room and the severe pain of departing from those friends who are so close to your heart. With whom your have spent a good 10-15 years of your life. With friends whom you shared countless days of laughter, days of sorrow and the queer experiences you've endured together.
It actually comes to you when you sit down quietly on a lazy rainy day and become nostalgic. You may feel this deep unknown emptiness inside you that something is missing, as if you've drifted far far away from something precious. Something you love with your life, something you could never just get over. No! I am not talking about love. Love is just a one way road to a complex world of pain and happiness. This is something totally different. This is about a person and their best friends and the sweetest word on earth which is Friendship. How sad and unfortunate that life gives you something so wonderful and then life itself takes it away as you grow up and the real world kicks in.
As a young child I never really understood the meaning of the song "cofee house er adda" when my mom/elders used to listen to it. But I guess life had a different plan for me. I understood it the hard way. First I was stripped off from my childhood friends to come abroad. I over came that easily as the feeling of friendship wasn't that deep back then. I had moved to Canada. Time went by, but history was on repeat mode. I was sent back home in Grade 7. I missed the little girl I used to hang out with at lunch. Yes it did hurt a little, but I didn't have a lot of friends to cry over. But the last episode of moving back to Canada Hurt. It hurt real bad. It was probably a foolish emotion, but to someone who's life had been built up around these friends, who never had a family life like other normal people, it was a very big blow.....it's one of those things that can't be explained.
Seeing those six keys lying on the table pricked me in the heart; totally threw me off guard. I miss them. I miss those amazing friends and those unbelievable moments. I had made my choice and left for the road of MY LIFE just like the way they did. Just the way 2 of them moved out of the city, two of them got back together, one happily married and one left the way he was.
On bad days like these we sit down depressed and lonely, knowing not what to do and specially here abroad you sit down in your room, staring blankly at the pc or the Tv or try to drown yourself in alcohol. If none of them works you probably smoke your lungs out! I still get lost when I take a trip down memory lane, when I hear those songs that we rocked back home. Its not like you'd feel like this all the time. There aren't a lot of free TIME in this god forsaken country, here you just run run run. Still it catches you off-guard sometimes when you are depressed to the very core. Its so off beat that you are sitting at one corner of the world sinking in depression while the people you miss so dearly are very busy at another part of the world, probably trying to make a living. The reality is just so damn hard. So fuck.ed up hard.
The words really are so true...........
Cofee house er shei adda ta aaj aar nei.....
Kothay harie gelo shonali bikel gulo......
shei aaj aar nei............
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